who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
