I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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