so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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