He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
