Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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