I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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