I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He passed out mid-signature
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
