I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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