If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
