I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Operation Purity has been aborted
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize