i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize