I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
