I cannot find my penis.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
jump out the window naked night went bad
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize