After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
