I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
