I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
