With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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