So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
