i was rollin on her like bob the builder
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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