i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
