a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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