I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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