it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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