It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm really busy with my period
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