I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
