Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
