I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
