I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
