it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
