literally had 100 drinks last night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
