I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
