dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
