My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
