she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
