clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
