My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
