Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tell your sister to shave her snatch
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
