This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
