i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
