i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
