Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
