Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
