And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
