Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
