Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
