he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
