your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
