I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
