you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
