Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
