the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
