I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize