we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
