Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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