Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
