hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
