Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
