He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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