Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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