Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
