We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
