when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize