I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
