Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
