After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
