why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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